Fictional Deaths I Will Never Recover From

There are a lot to choose from, given that I get attached to characters rather quickly, and this was incredibly difficult to write because a) I am very emotional when it comes to my fictional characters, b) I had to pause to cry in between and c) I had a lot more than this on my list and it took some narrowing down. These are the ones I know I’ll never recover from…

10.  Fili and Kili – The Hobbit

This should not have gotten to me as much as it did. This book and series of films contained lots of action and even lots of death towards the end and even though I knew it was coming, watching them die hurt. A lot. The whole sequence of events; to make Kili and Thorin watch as Fili is suspended over the rocky ruins of Ravenhill, impaled and then brutally dropped to the ground before the remaining members of his family. Kili, after seeing his brother so violently murdered, attacks the orcs in rage and eventually  faces Bolg; the fight is rough but he ultimately saves Tauriel (a Silvan-Wood Elf he has fallen in love with), though he is mortally wounded during the fight.  Kili is stabbed through the chest and the last, long look between him and Tauriel, as a tear slips down his face, is soul-wrenching. To see the heirs to the throne of Erebor so harshly taken was way too emotional for me and I just can’t seem to overcome the urge to cry every time I watch The Battle of the Five Armies.

9.  The 10^th Doctor – Doctor Who

Okay so he didn’t die. But the loss of such wonderful character, in such an emotional way leaves scars too. This doctor viewed life around him with such amazement and wonder that his joy was quickly shared with his audience, and after Rose, when he has felt such pain and sorrow, when he is less innocent, we feel what he feels.  David Tennant played such a vulnerable, humanised doctor that it was so easy to fall in love with him, and so difficult to watch him go. To hear those words “I don’t want to go”, the words that echoed in fans’ hearts around the world, was heartbreaking and I will never, ever not cry when I think of his face, so distraught to be leaving us, as the regeneration process takes over.

8.  Finnick Odair - The Hunger Games

Oh Finnick. He’d been through so much, lost so much, and was so close to overcoming all the awful tragedies he’d suffered, just to be ripped away from his new wife and unborn son. And in such a gruesome way. During the second rebellion, the group was attacked by mutts and Finnick, being who he was, was the last out of the tunnel, the last one fighting off the mutts.  He was so brutally killed, his head ripped from his body before anyone could save him. While his death is different in the films, through an explosion that Katniss triggers to prevent Finnick’s suffering, it feels just as harsh and painful.  In the books Katniss relieves certain moments of his life; the silver parachute, Mags’ laughter, and Annie in her wedding dress. This makes the loss of Finnick even more excruciating; knowing that what he has sacrificed, what he will miss, but also knowing that his death is necessary, to show that no one leaves a war unscathed.

7.  Most of the cast of Grey’s Anatomy

Namely McDreamy, McSteamy, George and Lexie. Why, Shonda? Known for creating gripping storylines and strong, but vulnerable characters Shonda Rhimes likes to hurt her fans. I mean, she gives us beautiful characters, and even lets them be together sometimes, but she loves to make us suffer. George, loveable, sweet, 007 George O’Malley; always doing what he can to help, jumps in front of a bus to save a stranger.  I couldn’t see through my tears by the end of the heartbreaking realisation that the man our favourite doctors were working on was our very own George O’Malley. McSteamy and Lexie; I wanted these two to be together so badly and the way they went out was so Shonda-like that it physically hurt to watch. A plane crash? To take Lexie is one thing – Meredith’s chatty, lovable, sometimes crazy sister- but Mark? Mark, who had finally repaired his relationship with Derek, who had kept spirits high no matter what, and who had found happiness in his daughter Sophia, was too much for me to handle.  And last, but not least McDreamy; how could she?  Derek Shepherd was with us from the start, one half of the most perfect couple I’ve ever seen, and worthy of so much more that a car crash and a head injury left undiagnosed for too long. How am I ever supposed to get over these things? Get over such beautiful characters being taken from us? Not any time soon.

6.  Harry ‘Opie’ Winston - Sons of Anarchy

What a way to go. A Son until the end, Opie was arrested purposely so that he could be imprisoned along with his friends; an unbreakable loyalty that lasted until his last breath. Opie’s loyalty to the club always seemed to come before anything else, and it often came between him and his first wife. So when it came down to it, when Jax is put in an impossible situation – to choose the life of one of the Sons in prison, in exchange for the freedom of the other two – Opie sacrifices himself rather than Jax offer himself. He assaults the Sergeant, who orders him in to the box and leaves Opie with just a pipe to protect himself against four other men.  He gives one last, devastating line “I got this” before the fight begins and Jax, Chibbs, and Tig can do nothing but watch as selfless, faithful Opie is beaten to death, the final blow being a pipe to the back of the head. It was so ghastly and unsympathetic that the moment I was done crying (which was probably a couple of hours later) I immediately wanted revenge; and true it its nature, Sons gave us just that. Jax hunted down the Sergeant who orchestrated the whole ordeal, shot his wife and beat him to death in the same manner as Opie was killed, as well as finding the inmates who actually took part in the beating and shooting them too. However, even if we did get revenge, the loss of Opie hit harder than I expected because death is such a huge part of the show as a whole, but its Opie and I don’t think anyone really expected him to die in such a way, if at all, when he was the only member, other than Jax, to have a family waiting for him at home. I just don’t see this getting any less emotional for me.

5.  Augustus Waters – The Fault in Our Stars

Oh God the tears. You know that feeling, the one where you’ve read the book so you know exactly what’s going to happen, the exact moment everything is going to change, and then it does, and you still cry and cry as if nothing in the world could have prepared you for it? That is how I feel about the death of Augustus Waters.  Poor Gus, and poor Hazel; just so newly in love and praying for time together, when neither thought it would be Gus leaving first. When we find out that Gus’ cancer is back and worse than ever, it is utterly heartbreaking; to know that this boy whose one fear is oblivion, to not leave his mark on this world, was more than likely not going to do so in the way he wanted just immediately makes your chest tighten.  After the bliss that was Amsterdam and the terrible news that changed everything, Gus grew sicker and then we got that scene, the one where the boy who has been strong for everyone else breaks down and is more vulnerable than he has ever been before. As if this didn’t hurt enough. Next we get Hazel’s eulogy; the one Gus has his friends perform in front of him, knowing he’s going to die soon. God, Hazel’s ability to stand there and tell the love of her life how thankful she is for his presence in her life is astonishing. Augustus Waters died eight days after his pre-funeral and the devastating loss hit like a ton of bricks, and while Hazel learns more about herself, and about how opening up to someone, being close, is oftentimes worth more than anything else, it’s still as raw, and as heart clenching every time I think about it. Okay? Okay.

4. Haley Hotchner – Criminal Minds

I cry every single time I watch this episode. By the time season five rolls around Haley and Hotch are divorced, but their relationship was one we loved from the start, and we all wanted so badly for them to work it out! Hotch’s job is very demanding and his commitment to it, while he didn’t want or mean for it to happen, just seemed to come before his relationship with Haley and their son Jack. We don’t really hear much about Haley or Jack for a while, until the beginning of Season Five and they become potential targets of George Foyet, a man determined to hurt Hotch in any way possible. Haley and Jack are taken in to the protective custody of the U.S Marshals, but this does nothing to stop Foyet; he tortures and kills the man protecting Haley and Jack, poses as a Marshal and tells her Hotch is dead, convincing her to come with him. Haley learns too late that this is a ruse when she calls Hotch, just in case, and before she knows it Foyet has a gun against the back of her head. Hotch and the team are racing to get to the location but you just know it’s going to be too late; Hotch asks Jack to “work the case” for him, something they had done together before and prompting him to leave the room and hide. This is where you start to cry so hard you can’t see or think or hear anything else but Haley and Hotch. He tells her that she is brave and that she must not show Foyet any fear, while Haley tells him that she never stopped loving him and to make sure that their son knows how much his parents loved each other.  This last conversation hits so hard because we know that Haley has no guarantee that Jack is safe after she is killed, no guarantee that Hotch will arrive in time, and knows without a doubt that she is going to die. It’s truly heartbreaking, to see her hug her child one last time, to speak to the man she loves, knowing it will be the last. Just moments later Foyet shoots her through the neck, killing her and then repeatedly stabs her off screen. When the team arrive Hotch finds Haley’s body and then proceeds to find and beat Foyet to death in revenge. Watching Hotch cradle Haley’s body, sobbing, tears your heart to pieces.

3. Keith Scott – One Tree Hill

Why would someone do this to me? From the pilot we wanted Keith and Karen together, and sometimes it felt like it would never happen, but in season three Keith arrives back in Tree Hill after some time away and he and Karen finally begin a relationship. Not only that, but they plan to get married and for Keith to officially adopt Lucas, the boy he’d help raise for 17 years. During the school shooting Keith, always believing the best in people, tried to convince Jimmy Edwards to stop what he was doing and that everything would get better after High School, but Jimmy refused to believe him. As though seeing Jimmy, so broken and without hope, apologise before taking his own life wasn’t devastating enough, Dan Scott appears and picks up Jimmy’s gun. Dan shoots Keith in the chest before the episode fades to black. It’s mostly what happens afterwards that makes Keith’s death so heart wrenching; Jimmy is blamed for Keith’s murder, Karen discovers she is pregnant with their child and Lucas struggles with playing basketball again after losing the man who always encouraged him to play. The fall out hits everyone in Tree Hill and the place is changed forever. There’s no point even trying to stop the tears.

2. Max Lightwood – The Mortal Instruments

Why, Cassie, why? Max was so innocent, so young and so not ready to die.  With his big grey eyes, brown hair, and over-sized glasses, Max was lovable and playful, and he’s the main reason that I hate Sebastian. After arriving in Idris, Max was certain he’d seen someone attempting to climb the demon towers that hold up that wards that protect Idris; after telling the others, they dismissed his claims as an active imagination and focused on other things. They shouldn’t have. Poor Max was right and just listening could have prevented so much agony. When the demons attack, Max is told to stay with Isabelle and a few others while everybody else leaves to defend the city. It happens so fast in the book that I didn’t quite believe what I’d read; Sebastian attacks them with a hammer, severely injuring Isabelle and killing Max instantly. Max dies holding on to the toy soldier Jace had given him when he was little. Cue uncontrollable sobbing. He died holding on to a soldier, a warrior; Shadowhunters are known for being protectors, and yet his family couldn’t save him. His death had a huge impact on his family; Isabelle blamed herself entirely for his death and being unable to protect him, his parents drifted even further apart, and Jace becomes filled with self-hatred and vows to track down Sebastian and Valentine. Max’s death is so devastating because he was so young, only nine years old, and had barely gotten the chance to live before it was taken from him. My heart still hurts every time I think of Max Lightwood.

1.       Sirius Black – Harry Potter

My heart. He’d suffered through so much, survived when no one thought it was possible, and he was taken from us so suddenly. Sirius had been the odd one out in his family, a Gryffindor amongst Slytherin when at home, but truly accepted by his friends at Hogwarts. His friendship with the rest of the Marauders is infamous and his dedication to his friends lives on even after his death. He was accused of betraying his closest friends to Voldemort, killing Peter Pettigrew and ultimately imprisoned in Azkaban. While we know none of this is true, that it was really Peter that betrayed James and Lily, Sirius was not acquitted of these crimes until after his death. After escaping Azkaban, going on the run and ultimately returning to Britain at the beginning of the Second Wizarding War, Sirius had grown much closer to Harry, becoming the closest thing Harry had ever had to a parent. This is what hurts me the most; they had both lost the most important people in their lives – Harry had lost his parents before he could ever get to know him, and Sirius had lost the people who had accepted him no matter what, the friends who were his escape from his awful home life – and when they were finally close to healing each other, they were ripped apart as well. Sirius died during the Battle of the Department of Mysteries, after Harry and his friends are ambushed by Death Eaters. The Order arrives to help and when duelling with Bellatrix Lestrange, Sirius is struck by a spell. He falls through the Veil in the Death Chamber and is gone. His death is quick and instant but leaves a trail of anguish behind; Remus becomes the last good Marauder, Harry loses the closest thing he’s ever had to a parent and blames himself for Sirius’ death, and my heart was shattered in to tiny little pieces. There’s just no recovering from this.